You Might be an Aircraft Maintainer IF.....

(If you don't understand these, don't worry, only a real aircraft maintainer would!)

You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."

You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.

You know what JP4/JP5 (jet fuel) tastes like.

You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.

You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!" (or ever spray-painted them black)
 

You have ever used soot from the tailpipe to blacken your boots.

You believe the aircraft has a soul.

You talk to the aircraft.

The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are.

You know more about your coworkers than you do about your own family.

You can't figure out why maintenance officers exist.

You ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great aircraft!"

You take it as a badge of honor to be just called " a Det Hound."

You can't comprehend why everyone doesn't want to be a Maintainer.

You think everyone who isn't a Maintainer is a wimp.

You wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules.

You've ever wished your jet would drop a Mk-84 on Saddam Hussein's house.

You consider 'Moly-B' fingerprints on food an 'acquired taste'.

You've ever been told to "go get us some prop wash, a yard of flight line or the keys to the jet.

You have ever jumped inside an intake to get out of the rain.

You consider a TDY a paid vacation.

The phrase "Oh, by the way..." makes your eye twitch.

Little yellow ear plugs are all over your house.
 

You have ever preflighted in really bad weather only to learn that the flight was canceled hours ago.

Your spouse refuses to watch any aviation shows or attend air shows with you.
 

The refrigerator in your barracks room is stocked only with beer!

You have ever looked for pictures of "your" jet in aviation books and magazines.
 

You know that you are the best maintainer in the military and your jet is the best in the fleet!

You can't figure out why two weeks of advance per-diem is gone after three days.

You can sleep anywhere, anytime. But as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.

Almost everyone thinks that all you do is wave your arms in the air.

You have ever used a cranial, wheel chock, or tow bar for a pillow.

You have ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry.

You have ever used a pair of Dykes to trim a fingernail.

You have ever pulled the gun switch while riding brakes.

You have ever started a jet inside the hanger!

You have ever wiped your hands on your pants.

You have ever wiped leaks right before a crew show.

You have ever worn someone else's hat just to go to chow.

All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off.

You have ever had to defuel your jet an hour after fueling it.

Everyone you know has some kind of nickname.

You have used the "Pull Chocks" hand signal to tell your buddies it is time to leave.
 

You have ever bled hydraulic fluid into a Gatorade bottle or soda can because you are too lazy to go get a hydraulic bucket and the Hazmat keys.

You hate that people who work at the gym handing out towels get the same pay as you.

If have you ever been tackled, duct taped to a tow bar, covered in PET and sand, egged, sourmilked, peanut buttered and jellied, and slapped under the emergency wash station in 30 deg weather?

You know in your heart that your jet is female.
 

You refer to ANY machine as "she."
 

You refer to QA as "the enemy."
 

You hate Ops, Maintenance Control, QA, and cops.
 

You've ever made a new pilot buy you a beer just to put his name on the canopy.
 

You enjoy drinking beer after work and watching the squadron next door pull an engine.
 

You think JP8 and Skoal wintergreen taste good together.
 

You know the international marshalling sign for "pull your head out of your ass."
 

You know the words "beer", "taxi", and "hotel" in at least three different languages.
 

You've ever worked weekend duty on a jet that isn't flying on Monday.
 

You've wanted the jet to start just so you can warm up.
 

You can't remember half of your coworkers real names... only their nicknames.
 

You fix 30 million dollar jets, but can't figure out what's wrong with your $150 lawnmower.
 

Your toolbox at home has wheels and foam cutouts, just like the ones at work.

Some of the tools in your toolbox at home are etched.
 

If the way you measure the cost of living in other countries is by the price of a beer at a bar.

~ Quotes ~

"Always remember, if not for the aircraft maintainers,

the world's hottest fighter pilot would be in the infantry!"

"You can train a monkey to ride a bike, but you can't train one to fix it!"

~ as quoted to pilots by pissed-off groundcrew for generations.

"It takes a college education to break it, but a high school education to fix it."

~ Fighter Pilots ~

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.